This is so beautiful! So comforting to read someone else’s experience of rebuilding (a very different) life after the first big burnout. Nothing is ever the same after that, is it? If I could give parents of young PDAers any piece of actually good advice I’d tell them not to put their kid in school. Or maybe that’s not great advice, I don’t know. Maybe it’s: follow your intuition. Because I knew all along that an 8-hour long public school day would not work. I had no idea, though, that it would cause such horror and trauma. Thanks for this real look at what it takes to bring your family and yourself back to life ❤️
Thanks Molly. I’m glad you could take some comfort from it. Yes mine was only actually in school for six weeks but it has causes lasting damage and as you say nothing will ever be the same. I think at least I really really know that school is not the answer so on the hard days of home Ed I’m not tempted to try school! Can’t undo what’s done but can transform - like metal through a furnace or something.
This is such a good piece! I very much relate to what you've shared here as another parent of a PDA child, who has come through the hardest days (knock on wood!). One of the gifts is that I stop to notice moments of ease and delight in a different way than if they didn't feel so hard won. Including small moments of self-care, like being able to take a walk or talk to talk to a friend. So glad you are also in a better space now. Thanks for sharing.
I'm so glad you're here and writing again! I love your focus on finding those small achievable moments of peace for yourself. I can relate to pretty much everything you've shared. I'm grateful for your vulnerability in sharing this piece of your story. Looking forward to reading more of your work<3
Aahhhr thanks. Sorry you’ve been through similar- not the easiest experience! Hope you continue to be able to find those little moments to gather yourself
Thank you for sharing your story. It resonated with me deeply. I am 7 months into home educating my autistic/pda daughter and she is starting to recover from burnout. I have more time now for self care and hobbies but it's still a careful balance. I can rarely leave her with anyone and visitors are very difficult. Your story gives me hope for the future.
Our stories are so similar! I’m still working on how I take care of myself, I’m hoping to sign up to workout witch so pleased to hear it helped you! I also have trauma from a car accident and whilst I’ve passed my driving test I’m such an anxious driver which doesn’t help! Thank you for writing x
This is a wonderful story of courage and resilience. Our own son bottled up his (undiagnosed) school trauma until a relatively small thing tipped him over the edge and he spent almost a whole year in bed. My admiration for you is exceeded only by my rage that our inflexible education system makes children and parents suffer so dreadfully and offers them so little support.
Thanks for your kind comment Miranda. I’m so sorry your family went through similar. Yes it makes me angry that the system breaks our children and leaves us to pick up the pieces without any support. I hope you and yours are doing better these days
He is fine now, and working with young people as a teacher of Philosophy at a sixth form college. He’s one of the smartest, kindest and most loving people I know and I’m immensely proud of him, though I’ll never stop wondering whether we let him down by not seeking an official diagnosis for the difficulties he was having at the time.
“Prioritising my agency, however small it may be, has helped me to look out for little droplets of time for myself, that have added up to a fuller cup.”
This line right here really struck a chord with me! I am in the early early days of homeschooling/ unschooling with my daughter.
Your story of how your journey has evolved over time gives me a lot of hope!
Yesterday I was able to get out for a 45-min walk while hubby did Bedtime with my daughter watching videos about Minecraft. Slowly I am regaining small pockets of time. I’ve found writing on here to be extremely healing for me and almost like my new morning ritual. Which is very very much a way of me regaining agency.
I’m a few years in now and it’s been incremental - sometimes it was just impossible and so it boiled down to radical acceptance of my situation. But I suddenly have more spaciousness and I hope you get that soon too 🤞🤞🤞
Thanks. If someone had told me at the beginning how long it would take I’d have wondered how on earth we’d get through it but actually the life we have now is very freeing and much more in tune with all our ND.
This is so beautiful! So comforting to read someone else’s experience of rebuilding (a very different) life after the first big burnout. Nothing is ever the same after that, is it? If I could give parents of young PDAers any piece of actually good advice I’d tell them not to put their kid in school. Or maybe that’s not great advice, I don’t know. Maybe it’s: follow your intuition. Because I knew all along that an 8-hour long public school day would not work. I had no idea, though, that it would cause such horror and trauma. Thanks for this real look at what it takes to bring your family and yourself back to life ❤️
Thanks Molly. I’m glad you could take some comfort from it. Yes mine was only actually in school for six weeks but it has causes lasting damage and as you say nothing will ever be the same. I think at least I really really know that school is not the answer so on the hard days of home Ed I’m not tempted to try school! Can’t undo what’s done but can transform - like metal through a furnace or something.
This is such a good piece! I very much relate to what you've shared here as another parent of a PDA child, who has come through the hardest days (knock on wood!). One of the gifts is that I stop to notice moments of ease and delight in a different way than if they didn't feel so hard won. Including small moments of self-care, like being able to take a walk or talk to talk to a friend. So glad you are also in a better space now. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Marnina. I’m glad we are both hopefully past the hardest part now.
I'm so glad you're here and writing again! I love your focus on finding those small achievable moments of peace for yourself. I can relate to pretty much everything you've shared. I'm grateful for your vulnerability in sharing this piece of your story. Looking forward to reading more of your work<3
Aahhhr thanks. Sorry you’ve been through similar- not the easiest experience! Hope you continue to be able to find those little moments to gather yourself
Thank you for sharing your story. It resonated with me deeply. I am 7 months into home educating my autistic/pda daughter and she is starting to recover from burnout. I have more time now for self care and hobbies but it's still a careful balance. I can rarely leave her with anyone and visitors are very difficult. Your story gives me hope for the future.
Good luck with the recovery process. It’s so tough isn’t it.
This other post of mine mignt be of interest: https://open.substack.com/pub/claireivywaters/p/rewilding-education?r=5ecsrl&utm_medium=ios
Thanks. I will have a read.
Thank you for sharing your journey. The reality of it is reassuring and informative as I consider how to navigate a similar path.
Good luck with it Arrabella. This piece goes into more detail https://open.substack.com/pub/claireivywaters/p/rewilding-education?r=5ecsrl&utm_medium=ios
It’s not an easy path to tread is it?!
Wow I so so relate to all of this!!
Our stories are so similar! I’m still working on how I take care of myself, I’m hoping to sign up to workout witch so pleased to hear it helped you! I also have trauma from a car accident and whilst I’ve passed my driving test I’m such an anxious driver which doesn’t help! Thank you for writing x
I hope you find little ways that start to add up. It’s not easy is it?!
What an incredible piece. Your love and support for your son mean so much. I feel encouraged for our own journey from reading x
Thanks for taking the time to comment. I wish you so much luck on your journey 🤞🤞🤞
This is a wonderful story of courage and resilience. Our own son bottled up his (undiagnosed) school trauma until a relatively small thing tipped him over the edge and he spent almost a whole year in bed. My admiration for you is exceeded only by my rage that our inflexible education system makes children and parents suffer so dreadfully and offers them so little support.
Thanks for your kind comment Miranda. I’m so sorry your family went through similar. Yes it makes me angry that the system breaks our children and leaves us to pick up the pieces without any support. I hope you and yours are doing better these days
He is fine now, and working with young people as a teacher of Philosophy at a sixth form college. He’s one of the smartest, kindest and most loving people I know and I’m immensely proud of him, though I’ll never stop wondering whether we let him down by not seeking an official diagnosis for the difficulties he was having at the time.
I’m so glad that he is doing well now
“Prioritising my agency, however small it may be, has helped me to look out for little droplets of time for myself, that have added up to a fuller cup.”
This line right here really struck a chord with me! I am in the early early days of homeschooling/ unschooling with my daughter.
Your story of how your journey has evolved over time gives me a lot of hope!
Yesterday I was able to get out for a 45-min walk while hubby did Bedtime with my daughter watching videos about Minecraft. Slowly I am regaining small pockets of time. I’ve found writing on here to be extremely healing for me and almost like my new morning ritual. Which is very very much a way of me regaining agency.
I’m so glad you got those 45 mins, but it’s never enough is it?! and thank goodness for Minecraft videos!
Yes, your article really made me think how I can get more creative in getting more pockets of time!
I’m a few years in now and it’s been incremental - sometimes it was just impossible and so it boiled down to radical acceptance of my situation. But I suddenly have more spaciousness and I hope you get that soon too 🤞🤞🤞
I love this writing and it captures our journey perfectly
Thanks. If someone had told me at the beginning how long it would take I’d have wondered how on earth we’d get through it but actually the life we have now is very freeing and much more in tune with all our ND.
Thanks for commenting Jenny, I hope things are heading in the right direction for you and you’re getting some time for yourself
Absolutely heading in the right direction but it’s taken two years. I’m glad things are better for you too.
Been three years here. 2 steps forwards 1 back but inching in the right direction. This post goes into more detail about our school “refusal” journey:
https://open.substack.com/pub/claireivywaters/p/rewilding-education?r=5ecsrl&utm_medium=ios