I relate to a lot of this, the intense sensitivity and picking up communication from the environment that others tune out, the strange perceptual and sensory experiences in the woods, though I’ve never had anything as intense and incredible as your experiences with the dragonflies! I get the repeating images of plants I’ve been working with too, in cinematic detail in my inner eye, even if what I’ve been doing is pulling it out of the allotment (hello bindweed!) rater than foraging, but it happens then too.
My autistic daughter doesn’t want to go out where there are lots of plants lately, no park trips or woodland walks, or even the garden. She says it’s ‘too nature’ and when she’s surrounded by trees she feels as if they are inside her and she becomes them and it’s too much. She’s in burnout at the moment so I’m hoping this is related and she’ll get back her love of the outdoors at some point! But she gets it too, they hypersensitivity.
Thanks so much for your reply Rebecca and I’m so glad to hear from someone else who gets the plant patterns- I’m the same with weeding! In fact that’s when it started - when I spent a summer gardening veg in south Italy.
I’m sorry your daughter is struggling. I hope she finds her way with time. Is she too young to leave at home? Do you still get to go out yourself? That was the hardest bit for me when I had to stay home with my small one and couldn’t get out. Would love to hear any of your perceptual experiences- feel free to dm me if you should wish to share.
Hi, yes, she’s only 7 so too little to leave alone. I get out at weekends and in the evenings, now it’s light later the suffocating feeling is a lot better, and I’m adapting. I will send you a DM when I’ve thought about this a bit, the perceptual experiences that is.
I hope your days are getting easier and your little one is happier. It’s a wild old ride isn’t it?
Mine is 8 so I get it. Funnily enough I wrote a piece last night about how much the clock change has helped me stay sane! Just need to spell check it and then I’ll post it (maybe tonignt if my partner can take him out for a couple hours!) game changer for my mental health
Breathtakingly beautiful writing! I feel every word. I relate to your experience of mirror touch synesthesia. Your description of seeing light emanating from insects sounds magical.
When I read this piece, I had so much to say that I wrote an essay length comment which I’ll try to summarise!
I am not autistic, yet I resonate with so much of your experiences here. I often feel I’m too wide open - every pore can be a sponge leaking out my own energy and soaking up the emotions and energies of the people around me. Sometimes I just can’t ‘people’ so I even plan my dog walk routes around it.
Your writing is so beautiful and clear, I can see myself under your oak tree alongside you (although I wouldn’t be so presumptuous as to literally join you!).
I’m envious of your synaesthetic experiences - how magical - and I would love to plug into your www; I’d find that much more restful than being surrounded by the noise of other humans.
Your urge to bite into the world is something I can feel deep in me too; thank you for the foraging descriptions, I’ll be tasting some of those myself.
There really is more that binds us together than separates us, if we could only be open to it. Thank you for sharing your gorgeous words and for sharing your incredible experiences - and for showing up as a fellow wild write
Thanks so much for this comment Fiona. I’m a bit out of words after hiking for hours across a rainy moor with a giddy eight year old today, he’s worn me out, but I do appreciate your words, Thankyou x
Really appreciating your writing so much. I’ve read so much about neurodivergence and the nervous system, but usually it isn’t woven into our relationship to the natural world and so your writing speaks so much more deeply to me and more and more ‘ahh’ and ‘oh’ moments when I see myself more clearly through your words. I feel like you write what I want to put words to but haven’t managed. Thank you 💚
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment Sam. Yes Im kind of surprised that it’s quite hard to find writing on neurodivergence and nature. Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places. I reckon it’s in the zeitgeist and we’re about to see a lot more of it. I hope so anyway!
I think it is a reflection of the capitalist disconnect from nature and our natural Needs. This is why neurodivergence is in the spotlight because we just can’t be squeezed out of our nature without dire mental and physical consequences…. And so yes inevitably we will be seeing more writing about it, for now the focus is around productivity.
Thank you for these descriptions and yes, not from the foreheads of insects but something l’d call patterns of light and from plants too - but more than this it’s your anemone desc that feels so new and true! I’d never thought of myself that way and now you’ve said it I had one of those laugh out loud moments of total recognition. Thanks. No-one I know seems to experience the world quite the way I do so it was good to hear this today. Early on, I learnt how to keep my wobbly tentacles tucked in because it’s too overwhelming. And so, like the tides, I close up and open out but I wonder what more I would feel if I spent more time open.
Oh the plant patterns sound super interesting. Gosh I love your phrase “like the tides”. Yes it’s such a conundrum learning how and when to open and how and when to close. I have no answers only questions!
So beautiful! Your connection to plants and synesthesia is so gorgeous and fascinating. Really feels like an expanded consciousness that i think so many ND people experience in unique ways. I have piles of notes on how to protect my energy in crowds. I think I’m getting a little better at it. But this post has encouraged me to open the aperture wide and go to the woods.
Also, your notes on chocolate are relatable. I never thought about this habit as a way of stuffing down and pushing through but of course it is!
I relate to a lot of this, the intense sensitivity and picking up communication from the environment that others tune out, the strange perceptual and sensory experiences in the woods, though I’ve never had anything as intense and incredible as your experiences with the dragonflies! I get the repeating images of plants I’ve been working with too, in cinematic detail in my inner eye, even if what I’ve been doing is pulling it out of the allotment (hello bindweed!) rater than foraging, but it happens then too.
My autistic daughter doesn’t want to go out where there are lots of plants lately, no park trips or woodland walks, or even the garden. She says it’s ‘too nature’ and when she’s surrounded by trees she feels as if they are inside her and she becomes them and it’s too much. She’s in burnout at the moment so I’m hoping this is related and she’ll get back her love of the outdoors at some point! But she gets it too, they hypersensitivity.
Thanks so much for your reply Rebecca and I’m so glad to hear from someone else who gets the plant patterns- I’m the same with weeding! In fact that’s when it started - when I spent a summer gardening veg in south Italy.
I’m sorry your daughter is struggling. I hope she finds her way with time. Is she too young to leave at home? Do you still get to go out yourself? That was the hardest bit for me when I had to stay home with my small one and couldn’t get out. Would love to hear any of your perceptual experiences- feel free to dm me if you should wish to share.
Hi, yes, she’s only 7 so too little to leave alone. I get out at weekends and in the evenings, now it’s light later the suffocating feeling is a lot better, and I’m adapting. I will send you a DM when I’ve thought about this a bit, the perceptual experiences that is.
I hope your days are getting easier and your little one is happier. It’s a wild old ride isn’t it?
Mine is 8 so I get it. Funnily enough I wrote a piece last night about how much the clock change has helped me stay sane! Just need to spell check it and then I’ll post it (maybe tonignt if my partner can take him out for a couple hours!) game changer for my mental health
https://open.substack.com/pub/claireivywaters/p/my-kids-school-trauma-was-harrowing?r=5ecsrl&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
Breathtakingly beautiful writing! I feel every word. I relate to your experience of mirror touch synesthesia. Your description of seeing light emanating from insects sounds magical.
Thanks for your kind words ✨
When I read this piece, I had so much to say that I wrote an essay length comment which I’ll try to summarise!
I am not autistic, yet I resonate with so much of your experiences here. I often feel I’m too wide open - every pore can be a sponge leaking out my own energy and soaking up the emotions and energies of the people around me. Sometimes I just can’t ‘people’ so I even plan my dog walk routes around it.
Your writing is so beautiful and clear, I can see myself under your oak tree alongside you (although I wouldn’t be so presumptuous as to literally join you!).
I’m envious of your synaesthetic experiences - how magical - and I would love to plug into your www; I’d find that much more restful than being surrounded by the noise of other humans.
Your urge to bite into the world is something I can feel deep in me too; thank you for the foraging descriptions, I’ll be tasting some of those myself.
There really is more that binds us together than separates us, if we could only be open to it. Thank you for sharing your gorgeous words and for sharing your incredible experiences - and for showing up as a fellow wild write
Thanks so much for this comment Fiona. I’m a bit out of words after hiking for hours across a rainy moor with a giddy eight year old today, he’s worn me out, but I do appreciate your words, Thankyou x
Really appreciating your writing so much. I’ve read so much about neurodivergence and the nervous system, but usually it isn’t woven into our relationship to the natural world and so your writing speaks so much more deeply to me and more and more ‘ahh’ and ‘oh’ moments when I see myself more clearly through your words. I feel like you write what I want to put words to but haven’t managed. Thank you 💚
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment Sam. Yes Im kind of surprised that it’s quite hard to find writing on neurodivergence and nature. Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places. I reckon it’s in the zeitgeist and we’re about to see a lot more of it. I hope so anyway!
I think it is a reflection of the capitalist disconnect from nature and our natural Needs. This is why neurodivergence is in the spotlight because we just can’t be squeezed out of our nature without dire mental and physical consequences…. And so yes inevitably we will be seeing more writing about it, for now the focus is around productivity.
Gosh yes this is a very perceptive comment. Thankyou 🙏🏼
Oh thanks so much Helen. I’m glad it resonated.
Thank you for these descriptions and yes, not from the foreheads of insects but something l’d call patterns of light and from plants too - but more than this it’s your anemone desc that feels so new and true! I’d never thought of myself that way and now you’ve said it I had one of those laugh out loud moments of total recognition. Thanks. No-one I know seems to experience the world quite the way I do so it was good to hear this today. Early on, I learnt how to keep my wobbly tentacles tucked in because it’s too overwhelming. And so, like the tides, I close up and open out but I wonder what more I would feel if I spent more time open.
Oh the plant patterns sound super interesting. Gosh I love your phrase “like the tides”. Yes it’s such a conundrum learning how and when to open and how and when to close. I have no answers only questions!
Likewise. Core poet!! Only questions ☺️
So beautiful! Your connection to plants and synesthesia is so gorgeous and fascinating. Really feels like an expanded consciousness that i think so many ND people experience in unique ways. I have piles of notes on how to protect my energy in crowds. I think I’m getting a little better at it. But this post has encouraged me to open the aperture wide and go to the woods.
Also, your notes on chocolate are relatable. I never thought about this habit as a way of stuffing down and pushing through but of course it is!
Thanks for the wisdom!
Thanks for reading and commenting Molly. Aperture is a good word.
Beautiful writing, thank you x