I hate this kind of thing, when you've been told off subtly and anonymously so you can't explain and it all stays on a kind of unresolved loop. Hope writing it out here helped stop it and you can feel welcome at the allotment again. I'm sitting here unable to go out in my garden because a cat pooed in my newly dug border, so sympathies about the allotment watering!
Thanks for sharing lovely one, I love the way you write and I understand the need to try and explain it all - which you do magnificently- the processing and sense making that comes from explaining it. I know the way you write helps lots of us and I hope it’s helping you feel better about what happened. It is such a shock to have our safe places suddenly feel violated by something. Lots of love xxx
Gosh your comment “it’s such a shock to have our safe places violated by something “ just made me realise something: we had to move out of our house in January for several weeks because the water company flooded it badly in several inches of raw sewage. And your comment made me realise why I am being more hypersensitive than usual to places being suddenly violated. Anyway thanks for the reminder to give myself even more grace than usual as I will still be reeling from that !
This is beautiful. I absolutely loved the description of your son's affinity with amphibians (accidental alliteration there). There are such wonders and riches in these close relationships between human and other-than-human.
My heart feels warm and my soul feels tingly. I "get" ALL of this. Thank you. How good is writing for processing and old friends at the right time for offloading? Much love.
Thank you for an incredible description of your wonderful boy and for sharing so completely how this incident so deeply affected you. I have learned so much from reading your piece.
Thank you for sharing your story. It is so important to have safe spaces and I hope that you are your son will be able to access the safe space of the allotment after such an upsetting experience. My daughter is 7 and also autistic and pda. She is struggling to go out to places and cannot access any groups at the moment. Your post has given me hope that in time she will be able to access places and I hope that they will remain safe for her. Sending solidarity and strength.
Such a complex thing to navigate. I love that you wrote about this. Your son and you both sound wonderful and sharing these stories matters so much. Thank you 😊 🙏 🦎
It’s useful to hear that stories like this matters. I’m new to writing publicly and don’t want to over share and am mindful of my child’s privacy. That said it’s reading other people’s stories that has been so helpful to me finding our path forwards. It’s a tricky balance that I’m still working out what’s ok. Thanks for your kind comment 🐸
I felt so moved by this piece. Firstly reading of the joy your son is finding in the natural world is beautiful. Secondly I so resonate with the need to people please, the devastation felt when people judge or criticise. I feel it too deep deep in my soul. I keep having to stop myself ‘shushing’ my child when he’s out and about and loudly vocally stimming or playing his tablet loudly to help himself regulate. I’m so aware of the looks of disdain and sometimes I do shush him and afterwards I feel such guilt and anger at myself for letting the judgement of others suppress my child’s joy. I’m trying to do better, to ignore the world and better protect my child but it’s hard!
It’s so hard isn’t Hannah to find a balance because actually part of protecting our children is sometimes to shush them. It is a fact that people do judge and that this is not always safe. (I’m thinking for example of being scrutinised by the authorities )
We all have neighbours who we have to muddle along with (well - I dream of buying a detached house in the middle of nowhere where we can be as loud as we like but I’m not a millionaire!) for now sometimes I wish mine would shush more easily sometimes - like at 5am when hes likely waking the neighbours up through the thin walls.
I think we have to be super compassionate with ourselves as parents and not shame ourselves further whilst noticing our edges and getting a thicker skin for those staring when nobody is actually getting hurt.
Anyway I’m waffling now. Thanks for your comment .
I loved this post. I was obsessed with amphibians when I was young!
They are so amazing aren’t they. I think we can learn from their shapeshifting and transformations 🐸🐸🐸
I hate this kind of thing, when you've been told off subtly and anonymously so you can't explain and it all stays on a kind of unresolved loop. Hope writing it out here helped stop it and you can feel welcome at the allotment again. I'm sitting here unable to go out in my garden because a cat pooed in my newly dug border, so sympathies about the allotment watering!
Thanks Rebecca.
Thanks for sharing lovely one, I love the way you write and I understand the need to try and explain it all - which you do magnificently- the processing and sense making that comes from explaining it. I know the way you write helps lots of us and I hope it’s helping you feel better about what happened. It is such a shock to have our safe places suddenly feel violated by something. Lots of love xxx
Thanks for your comment Sam, it means a lot 😊
Gosh your comment “it’s such a shock to have our safe places violated by something “ just made me realise something: we had to move out of our house in January for several weeks because the water company flooded it badly in several inches of raw sewage. And your comment made me realise why I am being more hypersensitive than usual to places being suddenly violated. Anyway thanks for the reminder to give myself even more grace than usual as I will still be reeling from that !
Was just posting something on salamanders today!
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/16a3SCymM1/
This is beautiful. I absolutely loved the description of your son's affinity with amphibians (accidental alliteration there). There are such wonders and riches in these close relationships between human and other-than-human.
🐸🐸🐸
My heart feels warm and my soul feels tingly. I "get" ALL of this. Thank you. How good is writing for processing and old friends at the right time for offloading? Much love.
Good to know someone gets it. Thankyou 🌱
Thank you for an incredible description of your wonderful boy and for sharing so completely how this incident so deeply affected you. I have learned so much from reading your piece.
I’m glad you found it interesting and thanks for commenting. 🌿
Oh our little PDA Gurus! They seem to know exactly what we need to learn and take very seriously their assignment to teach us dammit!!
Gosh they are hard taskmasters aren’t they?! I look forward to reading some of your posts
Thank you for sharing your story. It is so important to have safe spaces and I hope that you are your son will be able to access the safe space of the allotment after such an upsetting experience. My daughter is 7 and also autistic and pda. She is struggling to go out to places and cannot access any groups at the moment. Your post has given me hope that in time she will be able to access places and I hope that they will remain safe for her. Sending solidarity and strength.
Thanks for the solidarity and commenting Miriam. It’s hard being stuck in isn’t it. I’ve been there. This post goes into more detail about how we managed to start venturing out into the world again: https://open.substack.com/pub/claireivywaters/p/rewilding-education?r=5ecsrl&utm_medium=ios
Good luck with it all and I hope you find places for your daughter and yourself x
Such a complex thing to navigate. I love that you wrote about this. Your son and you both sound wonderful and sharing these stories matters so much. Thank you 😊 🙏 🦎
It’s useful to hear that stories like this matters. I’m new to writing publicly and don’t want to over share and am mindful of my child’s privacy. That said it’s reading other people’s stories that has been so helpful to me finding our path forwards. It’s a tricky balance that I’m still working out what’s ok. Thanks for your kind comment 🐸
I felt so moved by this piece. Firstly reading of the joy your son is finding in the natural world is beautiful. Secondly I so resonate with the need to people please, the devastation felt when people judge or criticise. I feel it too deep deep in my soul. I keep having to stop myself ‘shushing’ my child when he’s out and about and loudly vocally stimming or playing his tablet loudly to help himself regulate. I’m so aware of the looks of disdain and sometimes I do shush him and afterwards I feel such guilt and anger at myself for letting the judgement of others suppress my child’s joy. I’m trying to do better, to ignore the world and better protect my child but it’s hard!
It’s so hard isn’t Hannah to find a balance because actually part of protecting our children is sometimes to shush them. It is a fact that people do judge and that this is not always safe. (I’m thinking for example of being scrutinised by the authorities )
We all have neighbours who we have to muddle along with (well - I dream of buying a detached house in the middle of nowhere where we can be as loud as we like but I’m not a millionaire!) for now sometimes I wish mine would shush more easily sometimes - like at 5am when hes likely waking the neighbours up through the thin walls.
I think we have to be super compassionate with ourselves as parents and not shame ourselves further whilst noticing our edges and getting a thicker skin for those staring when nobody is actually getting hurt.
Anyway I’m waffling now. Thanks for your comment .